#JustSaying: Things You Should Never Say to a Childfree Couple

We have reached this month of the year again where "still no baby--?" will be once again another hot item for us. June is our wed month and for 7 years we are trying to conceive.  You might say, WOW, 7 years of trying? It just so happen that we are not a big fan of science and want everything to be naturally done. It might take long or until lifetime or until it's really not possible anymore or until God finally granted us the favor of having our own child that we will not stop trying. By the way, it is "child-free" and not "child-less".

Honestly, we felt a lot of pressure to start a family since day 1, some of this even from our closest relatives and friends. Pressure went 1 notch higher when my sister got married 2 years after mine and in just 1 year she conceive and give my parents their very first grandson and me a nephew which I adore and love with all my heart. Pressures we receive might be indirect, but still it's stressful and emotionally painful, just imagine, 7 years. Every occasions, family events, reunions, you're sometimes the center of their universe with the hot topic, "When are we going to have a baby" and "Really, still nothing? tsk, tsk" comments and we also reached a point in our lives where we gave up attending events and occasions. I'm sure that any person who has been trying to get pregnant knows what I'm talking about here -- it is difficult and frustrating at the same time. But it's not just those who want to have a baby who feel this way -- many childless couples get bombarded with "the whys", "the whens", and "the how comes". It can be more annoying than a hemorrhoid. But to us who are in this battle. Stay strong, more love, don't lose the faith and fight with prayer. And, come on people, be sensitive! You don't know what these couples are going through. 

Did you know also that this is one factor why I'm losing my work appetite to the extent of quitting my job. When people start to react negatively and talk about your situation-- sadly they don't know how to stop-- when your colleagues starts not to mind their own business. Yes, sometimes you wanted to share your struggles and pain and all-- to get encouragement. But when your workmates, your so-called friends, your relatives, etc becomes insensitive and harsh. It's heartbreaking.

I mean, why can't two people enjoy being married without having kids in the mix? Or why can't other people be happy still and look at things the other way around, realize and be proud to know a couple who are still madly in love with each other and standing strong together, supporting one another, despite the struggles and pain of trying to conceive. That's worth celebrating. #justsaying

Here is my list of things no childless couple ever wants to hear. That I personally don't want to hear. So please try to never say them.

1. When are you going to have kids?

Expect this question to start the minute you get married and it comes from your parents, your hairdresser, the girl at the store, and your cousin or relative who has three hundred children. It's really no one's business, right? It’s a natural question that many people want to ask because they are curious and because it seems like good small talk. But it’s nosy and intrusive and very personal. You might as well ask them when they’re planning on having sex or if she’s ovulating. It’s again none of your business, and not all couples are willing to discuss such private issues with you. Additionally, it might bring up painful issues for them, such as infertility they’re secretly struggling with or financial issues that are preventing them from having kids 

2. Are you having trouble conceiving?

Excuse the following questions: "Is your husband shooting blanks?", "Did your eggs get used up last night?" Would you EVER say that to someone? Rude. If not, then don't ask if someone is having trouble conceiving. I remember a very disrespectful colleague of mine told me before, "I'll donate my sperm to you, you know I have very good genes" then just walk away. Some people are getting way below the belt that they just don't care and they think that it's okay. Very condescending.

3. You have pets, right? It's kind of the same.

Demeaning. Pets and Humans are NOT the same!!! 

4. It's easier to be selfish when you don't have kids.

Wow. Pulling the selfish card. Hurts every time.

5. Oh, you wouldn't understand. It's more of a parent thing.

People who say this make it all more exciting to be a part of their club or association someday.

6. If you can't have them naturally, you know you can always adopt.

Stating the obvious = not necessary. Adopting a child is an option but please don't brag that option to a couple who are so determined to have their own. They will realize if adoption is needed.

7. Is it that you are just worried about what pregnancy would do to your body?

You know who says this kind of thing? Jealous people. People who are jealous of what you look like. If you hear these words though, it makes you feel like the person saying them to you thinks you are too shallow to have kids.

8. See what you have to look forward to? (When a parent is trying to calm a crying baby)

This kind of comment makes you want to say, Actually, yes, I am looking forward to that. I want to be a mom.

9. You’re Going to be a Great Mom; There’s Nothing to be Afraid Of

Why is it that so many of us assume women (or men) who are not yet parents are afraid of something?  

10. Your life will never be the same. NEVER.

The person who says this to you is clearly miserable and may even long for their own childless days too much.

11. The Clock is Ticking

This one; it’s just downright inappropriate. Why not just look at a woman and say, “You’re old, honey, you might want to get busy now before those eggs are unusable and  die,” instead of sugarcoating it like this. It’s not polite; don’t say it.

12. You’re not Getting any Younger

Please reference the above statement. Why must you point out the age of a woman? It’s not polite. Women are having babies older and older these days, so don’t assume that just because she’s 30 and not yet a mom means she’s running out of time.

13. Are you worried you would be a bad parent because of your own childhood/issues?

Low blow! Low blow! Not right.

14. You wouldn't want to bring a child into this world anyway.

Sigh.

15. You Don’t want a Family?

Here is something to be said about this question; what makes you so presumptuous as to assume that a childless couple needs a child to be a family? The two of them are a family; they do not need a child to make them into a family. Childless couples hate hearing this. If they’ve chosen not to have kids yet or ever, hearing this makes them feel as if you don’t consider them a family. If they don’t have kids because of circumstances out of their control, this question is hurtful in a completely different manner.

So next time, think first before you speak. It's more polite that way. If you have nothing good to say. Keep it for yourself. What's best to do? Encourage if you can and pray for them. Lastly, do them a favor, take good care of your kids because they are blessings.
#justsaying

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